


I adore you so

by TheButterflyQueen



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Crying, Drowning, Fear of Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Drowning, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Love, Platonic Relationships, Self-Harm, mentions of self harm, platonic, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24884584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheButterflyQueen/pseuds/TheButterflyQueen
Summary: The vestige fears death, and suffers because of that. There is seemingly no end to their panic and anxiety, and they fear that they’re too weak this time.(Please mind/read the tags, they’re there for a reason.)
Relationships: Sotha Sil/Nonbinary Vestige, Sotha Sil/Original Character(s), Sotha Sil/Vestige
Kudos: 10





	I adore you so

There the vestige rests; in the clockwork god’s realm, in a corner, in the advanced and overwhelmingly big city. Curled up into themselves, gripped by fear and crushing weight. They cry out, their sobs as quiet as they can manage. It is dark, well deep into the night and quiet in the streets. Many, but not all, are asleep. Peaceful perhaps. Resting for sure, without their mind tearing them apart inside out.  
Without a heart hurting and feeling like it was being squeezed, a mere toy.  
Their blue eyes are the source of the waterfalls streaming down their cheeks, their thoughts the trigger. They have their knees pressed against their chest, their arms around them and their hands grabbed onto to their hair as they slightly rock back and forth. They pull at their hair, more and less, stronger and weaker. They look for support, anything to hold on.  
“I ca- can’t-“, they sob out, trying to keep quiet. “He- Hle- Help help help!”, they squeeze their eyes shut, and whimper softly. Breaths escape them rapidly, like a machine overworking themselves, heating up and so destroying itself eventually.

They can’t concentrate on anything except their thoughts; loud and unwavering. The harbinger of their panic and anxiety.  
Death is going to come to you, it’ll take you at anytime, it doesn’t matter. If you’re too slow you lose. Too bothersome? Someone will take care of you.  
Too friendly? Someone will get suspicious and plan to get you out of the game. Cut yourself and your wound gets infected? What if it leads to sickness, which then leads to the draining of their health, to sucking out every last drop; until they’re dead.  
“No- No- No- don’t want t-to-to die!”, they think, sobbing violently and sobs shaking their whole body. “Won’t remember you- will be forgotten- Nothing nothing nothing nothing-“  
“I’ll l-live! But-!”, they go on, unable to stop their own mind tearing their heart in pieces and washing waves upon waves upon waves upon waves of anxiety sweeping over them and burying them in the weight. They reach for the surface, struggle and struggle and struggle, accidentally letting out a breath. Too much pressure, too much weight on their soul.  
They’re drowning. 

Drowning in their thoughts, in never ending anxiety and panic. “H-He-H-Help! Help me!”, they finally cry out loudly, shaking and stuck in their mind. “Stop stop stop-“ they pull at their dark blonde hair, adding pain to the mix, a somewhat welcome but very short lasting distraction, tossing to the side and turning to the other.  
“No ngh-nHO!”, their sobs can’t stop and won’t stop. Amongst all confusion and panic and anxiety, they have a scene in their mind, that blurs and sharpens: they’re losing the fight, the water fills their lungs, causing them to cough and swallowing more and more water. They see themselves barely reach out to the surface, to weak to struggle. The water is pressing them down, ignoring their attempts and pushing and pushing them more and more, determined to make them submit. It makes them dizzy, confused and only adds to their distress. The world is too much for them; all the sounds, interactions and things they see. It’s too much. They see it clearly before themselves: they can not hold on anymore. They can’t struggle, won’t struggle. They’re sinking, giving up. As they’ve done so often, submitting to their mind and harming themselves. Losing themselves. The scars they hide tell the story.  
In a last attempt they hold out, hoping that someone will help them, free them of their misery. Yet they do not want to be seen like this, in this state, with tears all over them; a small, weak and extremely vulnerable mess. They want help, and they don’t. They see the surface still, but it distances itself from them further and further and further.  
They give up. 

A hand reaches out for them.

It is only now that they realise that someone else is with them, someone they wouldn’t have expected. He’s kneeling in front of them, made himself small and tries to ease them. He holds out a hand towards them, the one of flesh. Hesitant, knowing, that touch might cause them to panic further. He holds it still, unwavering and calm. They see it and nod, continuing their loud and heart wrenching sobbing. He slowly puts forth both hands and calmly reach for the small vestige’s hands, the ones that are pulling at their hair and lays them on top of theirs. He grabs them very gently and rubs with both his metal thumb and organic one circles across the back of each hand. They’re still sobbing, a mess. But.. 

The hand that reached out to them in the scene is pulling them back up to the surface quickly.

They’re better now, they’re somewhat distracted. By his warmth, roughness of his skin and smooth metal of his hand. They let got of their hair, and he takes their hands into his. He crouches closer, slowly, as though approaching a scared and panicked animal. “Soth- set- Seth- Sil- Sot-tha si-h-il-“, they whimper, scared and they hope to draw him in, to be comforted by their dearest friend. He holds their hands to his chest, sits on his knees and embraces them gently, and as though they have all the time in the world. He is here for them. They quickly grab on to his robe, the white and smooth yet somehow rough fabrics calming them. Grounding them. They’re safe. He is here. He has one hand across their back, and the other lingers at the back of their head, that they’ve pushed into his shoulder, fully crying out in relief. His heart tore apart when he saw them. He does feel his people’s pain; his friends’ pain. And it breaks him, reminds him of losing his sister so many years ago in the fire. He won’t ever forget that. He won’t forget this either. His student, the great artist, the vestige and his closest friend and comfort. 

They’ve calmed down now, they’re still shaking in uneven intervals, but they’ve calmed. Their eyes are closed in relief. Their heart is not completely free, but instead now feels as though it is being caressed gently. And their mind, the greatest trigger for their panic and anxiety, and the wonderful mind for it’s qualities. It’s at peace now. All that remains is a quiet ocean, clear, and instead of stormy and dark now peaceful and light. It’s quiet, so quiet, he hears every little sound. They do to. And they’re slowly slipping off into rest, tired of fighting against themselves. He wraps her legs around his hips, wraps one hand around them and keeps them carefully against his chest gently lays the other hand on their head. He slowly stands up, and looks at their face. They look at him, with such admiration and love. They smile at him tiredly and close their eyes when he returns this smile. His red eyes search for any further sign of distress, but find none. He slowly walks back to the the brass fortress, opting for a quiet walk instead of teleporting. The calm night, the clear air and the now peaceful presence, they both need it.  
He won’t ask them later what happened, he knows already. He has experienced them in a much milder situation before and they had explained some time afterwards. He only wishes to comfort them, and offer them safety and company of loved ones.  
The small and tired vestige hopes that Seth knows just how much they appreciate him. All of him, flaws and strengths. 

As they lie against him  
comforted by his warmth,  
only a few words come to mind,  
with happiness and tranquility  
they know:  
I adore you so.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for any mistakes I have made. As it says, this was made as a vent fic, and I am too tired to edit it. But thank you for reading, I appreciate it.


End file.
